13. Ladies

(Poem) 

But where is the self respect?

*****written portraying the voice of a woman who sells her body for a living**** 

My body is a temple. But I am treating it as a shack.

Rather than a place solely for birth and rebirth

I allow men impersonating our savior to separate my legs like the Red Sea because I've lost all the love for me

I strip my dignity for likes 

which leads to a boost in my confidence for that mere minute

I show skin like a newborn crying for attention

And everyone around me is longing to wrap their arms around me 

They enjoy hearing my scream 

And long to penetrate the very thing I was just released from

The complications of my heart put me under distress and 

And the more I take off the more pieces of my heart break off

Like I'm an unknown species still trying to be discovered

I've been this way my entire life

Since I was 10 years old this is all I've known

Just lurking for myself in the world

And I find it in sex ok 

I look for the philander 

All Church is is a fashion show and a dating game 

But you don't know my story

You don't know what I've been thru

I never had my dad

So I look to paper copies

And I rip my ego to shreds 

I use the ink under my eyes to draw more men closer to me 

I let them get inside my soul

Because I find my beauty in nakedness

And before Eve ate that apple life was good

So go ahead blame the women

But what about your pride

You never stopped me from listening to the snake and letting it get inside me for a minute of pleasure

That pleasure filled minute Resulted in the entire earths pain

You love me but you choke up when you attempt to tell me to keep my clothes on

That's why it's called Adam's apple

I can see it and as you swallow 

it goes up right along with your lower half

So you are the man and I was made from your ribs

That's probably why you enjoy eating huh

you think you know me ?

You have not a clue

You don't know what I've been thru

You don't know the things I've seen 

The things I've done

You don't know my struggle

So how can you judge

Only God can judge me

And most days I forget that one day .. He will..

If I were to die tomorrow

Would I make it to heaven?

I tell my deceased friends RIP while I am a rock in place

Like the stone on their grave I've been stagnant in my faith

It is the same as every one else's in this cemetery. 

Dead.

I say I'll see you soon in heaven, but I'm doing nothing to make sure God even allows me to walk through the gates...

Does God even hear my calls?

He hasn't answered any. 

My brother's still in jail

My momma still sick

I hope my daddy rot in hell

To pray would be absurd

God doesn't care about me, 

If if If he did WHY AM I STILL BROKE HUH

Why do I cry? 

Can you tell me why?!

Didn't think so. 

Forgiveness is for the weak

I've been strong all my life I don't need them

Y'all ain't loyal 

Walked out my life

Well keep walking 

I have me...

Myself... 

And I....

*talks to self* 

God where are you 

Are you even real?

How can I believe in a book written thousands of years ago

How can I possibly comprehend a man dying for my mistakes

The scars on his back don't even amount to the scars on my heart God

I've let the Devil defeat me

I've even defeated me.

Am I talking to myself?

You've probably given up on me... It's ok , I've given up on me too...

*looks down* 

Slowly rises head and says 

"My child..

Love does not rest.

I have not given up on you.

It is all a test. 

Because tests prove endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope.

Faith is seeing the unseen without your eyes

As your heart speaks all the words I need to hear

Your entire life you've believed Satan's lies and this is the reason you cry

I have seen your problems

And I have heard your prayer

But how can I answer you when doubts are there

Doubt your doubts

Change your change

Fear no fear

There are blessings I have with your name that are waiting to be opened if you would just ask and believe

I will never leave

I will never forsake

Your heart will no longer break if you instill it with me

I explain in first peter if you would just read 

For it is better to suffer for doing good

James 1:6 

For let him ask in faith.. Without doubting

You doubt me 

So I have not been able to give to you 

I see you are sinning and I forgive you

so please let me live in you

I carry your pain if you just ask

I carry it regardless 

But I want to spend eternity with you 

Of all the men you've been with I am the only one that has died for you and risen

That thousand year old history

Is my story to you

Trying to build your life

I gave you the blueprint as a guide

And the more you misinterpret what I am saying

It seems as if the man beneath you is speaking

Earth is so petty

Heaven is so pretty

Life for you now is just to make sure you can come with me for eternity 

You cannot earn it

You cannot lose it

Come to me

Repent

That simple prayer ain't so simple

You've gotta mean what you say

You think life's a game?

You think satan can beat me?

Ha

I'm undefeated.