A lot of times I forget why when or how you even became my favorite rapper
I didn't even listen to mixtapes before you honestly
when I just turned 16
2011 to be pristine
Lightskinnded dude from up where you went to school
"Have you heard Unabomber?"
By this guy named JCole
It was right after workout dropped
Ashamed to say I didn't find you sooner
He told me to listen to premeditated murder and how high
I was like yo this dudes kinda tight
All the while I was going through stuff with my moms and life
So I admit I was depressed
Then I let you come in my life
And kinda dress up my mess
Because for 16 years I left the laundry out without cleaning
I felt as if it had no meaning
I listened to lost ones for the first time
And learned all the words by the end of the day
Downloaded the come up
The warm up
And sideline story
Because I felt we could relate
'Light skinnded so the house brothas feel us'
I too had a single mom growing up
'We grew up in a struggle and sometimes we had less'
But compared to you my man
I never realized how much we were blessed
Dreams of being a rapper
So 'I hung your words on my wall
My friends thought it was words
But it was pictures I saw'
I drew your face as I cried listening to 2face
Now I can never tell you why
But roll call always spoke to me
Maybe because you too helped change my life story
You really helped save my soul
When I was 17 years old I had serious thoughts of 'climbing heavens stairwell'
And saying farewell way ahead of my time
Because I was 'living my whole life backwards'
I moved out my moms house & in w my dad
I was daddy's little girl
turned into that triple double
That time was so hard for me
And you were all I had
I don't know why but I felt you understood me
From what you were writing in your songs
When I had that pity life
I drifted away and put em on
I would go home everyday from school and just cry
To help me get away
Playing your songs out loud gave me a sign
I can't explain it but jermaine you changed my life
This was before Forest Hills Drive
Before Born Sinner
And before I ever dreamed of seeing you live
This was while I was a lost one
I had no God, just religion & only you in my life
You took up my Twitter
It read "Dear Lord can I live"
Knowing good and well want to I didn't
This is something I've never told
To a single soul
And Somehow you kept me sane
All I really had was a dollar and dream
Because my entire life revolved around lack of money
Why couldn't I get J's to impress the dude I liked
And I was stuck walking everywhere
Without even a bike
When rich niggaz came out
I'd run down the sidewalk
Blastin it on repeat
Mad at the world and the rich
Because My family had to really work to eat even just sandwiches
I had so much envy
Only now do I see how it was so ugly
Years later
When I went through my first heartache
Swear I had on nothing lasts forever
And Love me not on repeat for days
Yet I still had a hole somehow
cuz you didn't quite fill it
And though I don't feel as close to you now
I thank you for my heart because you helped to heal it
Summer 2013 when you did your first dollar and a dream
I was 17 then and planned to go to Houston
I hadn't ever seen you but in my dreams
My aunt said she would drive me those 4 hours at 4 am
But when my eyes opened
She bailed on me
I thought about goin off on her but
I just stayed awake and cried for 7 hours
And that's when I realized I might have been obsessed
Not quite a Stan
But I was still depressed
Because your music was keeping me sane
throughout all of highschool
In art I recreated your face on like 5 different projects dude
Wrote 'will I drop
I think not
Tryna show them how to stay hot'
Yet a downward spiral I began to spin
They'd ask me to get Higher
And 'no I don't smoke but maybe once in a blue'
Allow this to be my Interlude
So for two entire years I kept you right by my side
And you were there for a reason I know
I wasn't from down in Hampton
But your song was the reason I stayed a cancer
July 10th came and 2 years in a row we made the hashtag
#HelpDiaGetaMentionFromCole
Which is when I learned
If I got myself off of Twitter
I could be somebody
I replaced your songs with the living word
Glad to say when I turned 18
I no longer needed you
Because I found another JC
I no longer said 'cole the God'
But Cole if it weren't for You
He may have never seen me
summer that my life changed
God asked me if I was ready for it
I looked around at all his nice things
Told him savior you already know it
I gave my life to Him
And felt myself listening to you less and less
But check out my blog is still mentions you tho
Now corpus when I do come home
They Holla who dat
Cuz I'm so unrecognizable
now I can't cry
And can't get enough of the lord up top without a stop watch for me
No more idols
No more role modelz
I'll do anything to make Heaven my home
If to have Christ meant having an eternal soul
Jermaine I still love you, but
I would most definitely give up Cole
I went off to school
Said I'd be home for the holidays
Now it wasn't St. John's
But dude basketball I did play like you
Kinda Far from home and no one ever makes it out the city I'm from
Now it's no ville
But sorry corpus is full of a lot of bums
And I couldn't do that
I had to follow my dreams like you told me to
when I finally saw you in concert the following April I knew it was not past due
It was all God
Thanks to 5 different dudes!
That was truly a dream come true!
Then I got to see you in Baton Rouge
This past March
Got out there at 11 o'clock and waited until 8
Front row right in front of the stage
Bas sweat was dripping on my face
Then you came out and I couldn't believe how close I really was
You signed my dollar
And took the hobo sweater I gave you
We even made eye contact a few times too
But that's in the past
now it's not the same when I see you
cuz i don't really care about your music
I care about you as an individual
Never even having met you
I know you're so genuine
And real
And I just want to have a conversation with you so I can tell you how I feel
And my past
And how I've 'seen heaven seen hell'
How I now tell people
'Believe in God up in the sky
Science can tell us how but can't tell us why'
They say I've grown and 'congratulate me
I just tell em God is good'
I feel like you're my friend
As crazy as I may sound
I still have 2 posters of you on my wall
2 paintings too
The dollar you signed
2 DREAMVILLE hoodies
My phone case
And a born sinner shirt too
And though you are no longer my God
You did help me learn love
And now I see you changing lives
Like you did mine almost 5 years ago
showing the currently hurt that there is no such thing as a life that's better than theirs
I now love my life
I love my Christ
I 'keep my faith strong'
And when times get hard now
'I ask for strength from the lord up above'
So jermaine
Thank you for being around
Thank you for helping me when you did
Now I see you change so many other lives
As you did mine
Thank you for making music for the soul
Thank you for being diverse
Thank you for being the most stable long distance relationship I've ever had
Thank you for not knowing you're my friend and still being it
Thank you for making relatable music
Thank you for being you
And I thank God
Because what dreams may come
Will eventually come true
I'll meet you soon
I pray someday you hear this poem I wrote for you
Because 'This is MY canvas'
Peace
